the WB sketch show
by shnoziyahu
Summary: short sketches featuring animaniacs&tiny toons characters.
1. Chapter 1

**The WB sketch show!**

Chapter 1-fifi gets annoyed...

Fifi: "Le sigh! Moi am so zhirsty. Moi am lucky I bought an orange, I can make orange juice."

(Fifi goes to the kitchen)

Orange: "Hey, who are you?"

Fifi: "Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Who are vou and what are vou zoing on mon kitchen, le psycho?"

Orange: "I'm not a psycho. I'm an orange! Who are you?"

Fifi: "Moi name is fifi la-fume."

Orange: "What? Fifi the-pun? You're purple, you could be an eggplant. Hey eggplant!"

Fifi: "I am not le eggplant!"

Orange: "Hey eggplant! Hey! Hey! Hey eggplant! Eggplant! Hey! Hey eggplant!"

Fifi: "Read moi leaps- I am not le eggplant, I am le skunk! Got it? Le skunk!"

Orange: "Hey eggplant! Hey! Hey! Hey eggplant! Hey eggplant! Hey! Hey eggplant! Eggplant!"

Fifi: "**WHAT?**"

Orange: "What got you so bruised? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Fifi: "Idiot orange. Get le life!"

Orange: "Hey! Hey eggplant! Can you do this? nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya... "

Fifi: "Stop zis."

Orange: "...nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya..."

Fifi: "Stop zis!"

Orange: "nya nya...hey eggplant!"

Fifi: "What?"

Orange: "Elmyra!"

Elmyra: "Finally I got you, my little fuzzy-wuzzy kitty-cat!"

Fifi: "I'm not le kitty!"

(fills Elmira's shirt with dynamite and watch her explode)

Orange: "Wow, talk about a stomach-ache...hey eggplant!"

Fifi: "Oh, for ze heck of zis..." (Throws orange into the orange juicer) "Take ZAT!"

Another orange: "Hey eggplant!"

Fifi: "Oh god..."


	2. Chapter 2

**The WB sketch show!**

Chapter 2-I'll take the mime for the block!

Mary: "Hi, I'm Mary Melody, and I'm the host of this episode of toonywood squares! Today's version is different because there are three contestants. They are two brothers and one sister. They were the stars of the TV show "animaniacs" and they live in Acme Falls. The contestants are- Yakko, Wakko and Dot Warner! Now, the rules are a bit different. Yakko, you have the circle. Wakko- you got the X and Dot- you got the triangle. After the toon Yakko chose said its' question, the first one that thinks he knows the answer hit the buzzer. If he's right, he gets the block. If he's wrong, the toon asks another question for the other 2 contestants. It goes on like this. If no one can answer his question the block is being lighted in black and you can't pick it again. In order to win, the contestant must get 3 blocks in a row, column or diagon. The toons are-

Yuval Zirler!"

Yuval: "Hi."

"...Hillai Ben-sason!"

Hillai: "More appearances mean more paychecks!"

"Can't agree with you more. Katie Kaboom..."

Katie: "Go perfecto! Go perfecto!"

"Shut up. Minerva Mink!"

Minerva: "Why do I always have to be in the corner?"

"The Mime!"

Mime: "Pick me!"

"Hello Nurse!"

Hello Nurse: "Don't pick him! We bet the one picked later will have to buy the other a Vermonster! And by the way, my real name is Helena."

"Pinky!"

Pinky: "Narf!"

"Brain!"

Brain: "I can use this TV broadcast to hypnotize the viewers and rule the world!"

"Otto Scratchandsniff!"

Otto: "Did you vatch ze game last night?"

"Ralph the Guard!"

Ralph: "Yeah. Anadulu Efes are losers. Lost to Maccabi by 39 points!"

"Thaddeus Plotz!"

Thaddeus: "No, you idiot! It was the baseball game between Acme Acres and Acme Falls!"

"Pesto!"

Pesto: "Coo you!"

"Slappy Squirrel!"

Slappy: "Not so loud, kid- I'm old!"

"Skippy Squirrel!"

Skippy: "I love my aunt Slappy."

"Flavio the hippo!"

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...Wait, what?"

"And Marita the hippo!"

Marita: "By saying "hippo" you mean that I am fat? I'm not fat! I'm just bigger than life itself!"

Mary: "So, Yakko, what are you waiting for? Pick a toon!"

Yakko: "I'll choose...Scratchy for the block!"

Mary: "OK. Otto, your question is- in how many countries women could vote since the first elections?"

Otto: "About forty."

(No one buzzes)

Mary: "In case no one buzzes the contestant who chose the toon must answer the question. Yakko, agree or disagree?"

Yakko: "Wow, I really don't know. I'll agree."

Mary: "Wrong. The correct answer is five- Mongolia, Israel, Cyprus, Bahrain and India. Now your second question, Otto-did Bugs bunny's voice actor was allergic to carrots?"

Otto: "Zere is no evidence for zat."

(Dot buzzes)

Mary: "What is your answer, dot?"

Dot: "I am Bugs Bunny's #1 fan. One time I met him and I asked him this question, and he said no, so I have to agree with scratchy."

Mary said "Otto's block belongs to dot!" while on the TV screen of all the K-ACME-TV watchers (almost all of the WB cartoon characters), a giant triangle appeared on Otto's block.

Wakko: "I'll take the mime for the block!"

Mime: "Ha! Now you have to buy me a Vermonster! Remember-5 butter pecans, 5 cherry gracias, 5 cinnamon buns and 5 vanillas. And no bananas on top! OK, so what is my question?"

Mary: "Which country won the most Eurovision song contests?"

Mime: "Ireland."

(Wakko buzzes)

Mary: "Agree or disagree?"

Wakko: "Agree!"

Mary: "Correct. Mime's block belongs to Wakko! Now Dot, pick a toon."

Dot: "I'll take...Hello nurse...sorry, Helena for the block."

Mary: "Helena, your question is-what is the meaning of life?"

Helena: "The answer, my friend, is "blowing in the wind", except for New Jersey,

Where what's blowing in the wind smells funny."

(Yakko buzzes)

Yakko: "I...agree!"

Mary: "I'm sorry, but it's incorrect. The answer like everybody knows is 42. Next question- a gator is greener or longer?"

Helena: "A gator is longer because it's also longer inside and it isn't green there. It's light pink mixed with granola-brown."

(Wakko buzzes)

Wakko: "I disagree. It's greener because it's green also in its' wide."

Mary: "Incorrect. Now the last question- what is Fifi La-fume's birthday?"

Helena: "October 4th, the independence day of Belgium. Oops, she's not Belgian..."

Dot: "I disagree. Me, Babs, Shirley and Fifi are very good friends. I remember the great birthday party we did her on july 14th. Technically she's 21, but actually she's always 12."

Mary: "Correct! Helena's square belongs to dot!"

Yakko: "I'll take...Katie Kaboom for the block!"

Mary: "Ok. Katie, your question is- is pie throwing still legal in cartoons?"

Katie: "Absolutely no."  
>(Yakko buzzes)<p>

Yakko: "I disagree!"

Mary: "Is pie throwing legal? Let's find out!"

(Mary takes a giant pie and aims it at Katie)

Katie: "I'm warning you. I'm your cousin, and I'm way muscular than you. So if you want your body in one piece, you better not throw that pie."

Mary: "Wow wow wow. Calm down, okay? Here-"

(Putting the pie back)

"-You know what? I have an idea. Rodd, Ruby, can you please come here for a second? And bring your desert cart. Thank you!"

Just as she finished her sentence, two rats came to the studio, dragging a desert cart. They were Rodd (or Roderick) and Ruby (or Rubella), the two snob rats from perfecto prep school. Without hesitating, Mary putted her pie in the cart, took a giant cake and smashed it into Rodd's and Ruby's faces.

Wakko: "Finally these brats got what they deserve!"

Dot: "Plus, it's the first bad thing she did in the last 17 years."

The rats were shocked, they were humiliated, but the worse has yet to come- as inspector Gadget entered.

Yakko: "Gee, I guess Katie is right..."

Gadget: "Roderick Rat and Rhubella Rat, you're now arrested for smoking in a no-smoking place. I finally got you two!"

Rodd: "B...But it was 20 years ago!"

Gadget: "I don't care!" he handcuffed the two rats and walked with them off-stage.

Mary: "So I guess Katie's square belongs to Yakko! Now, Dot..."

Dot: "I'll choose...Ralph for the block!"

Mary: "Ralph, your question is- what is Minerva Mink doing in Soviet Russia?"

Minerva: "I'm not in Soviet Russia, I'm right here!"

Ralph: "In Soviet Russia, Minerva minks you!"

(Wakko buzzes)

Wakko: "I agree."

Mary: "Wakko wins the block! No, Yakko, choose a toon!"

Yakko: "I'll choose...Yuval for the block!"

Mary: "So Yuval, is it true that Sonic the hedgehog dumped Amy Rose and he's now dating Cream the rabbit?"

Yuval: "Yeah. These are shocking news; I thought they will be together forever! You could see the love between those guys... My girlfriend Katie read it in one of her magazines and told me about it."

(Wakko buzzes)

Wakko: "I agree!"

Mary: "and Wakko got that square! Wakko, pick a toon."

Wakko: "I'll choose...Flavio for the block."

Mary: "Flavio, your question is- what came first, the chicken or the egg?"

Flavio: "The egg."

(Yakko buzzes)

Yakko: "I...agree!"

Mary: "That's incorrect. The correct answer is scrambled eggs and Buffalo wings. Next question-is blue from Blue's clues boy or girl?"

Wakko: "Oh, I remember that series! I watched it a lot when I was younger. And I'm pretty sure Blue is a girl."

Mary: "And that's correct. Wakko, you won- you have three diagonal X's! You just won 100 grands! Congratulations! Watch us next time!"


	3. Chapter 3

**The WB sketch show**

Chapter 3-cooking with Minerva

(Setting- the ACME lab test kitchen.

Minerva dressed as a chef and standing behind a table full of ingredients, Mime is holding cue cards, Hello Nurse is standing with a camera, Ralph the Guard is standing far behind, holding a fire extinguisher, just in case, and the Warners are far behind Minerva, holding a laptop computer.)

Minerva: "Hi, and welcome to my cooking show. And today we will cook...what? I can't see your card."

Mime: (holding a card with the words "You're making cantaloupe salad and donuts, for god's sake!" written on it)

Minerva: "So today we're making cantaloupe salad, donuts and god's sake!"

Mime: "Can you please just start, for crying out loud?"

Minerva: "Ok. So...how to make cantaloupe salad? Cut an avocado to small pieces, cut an onion and deep fry until it becomes brown. Dry the rice, add it to the oil and fry the soup powder in small pieces. Put the mushrooms and the strawberries in a circle on the plate. Add some corn, throw away the pistachios and mix the pomegranates and the flour in the bowl. Pick a smiling eggplant, so it won't be too nervous..."

One of the oranges on the table: "Hey, if you want an eggplant take that purple one from the first chapter! Hahahahahahaha!"

Minerva: (cuts the orange) "Let's go on. Cut it to small-small-small pieces, backward and not forward like we usually do at home. Cut the garlic, the carrot and the celery and fry together. Wash the cauliflower and cook half an hour over small fire. Add spices. Add some parsley, some bell pepper and some...simonelia, for the good look. And that's how you make cantaloupe salad."

Nurse: "Cantaloupe salad without cantaloupes...that's...interesting."

Mime: "That will save the studios lots of money."

Minerva: "And now- the donuts. The ingredients- 1 cup of milk, a packet of yeast, 2 cups of flour, and quarter a cup of sugar. Just mix all of the ingredients..."

(She puts the ingredients into a large bowl, without minding the fact she threw the yeast with its' plastic bag, and the other ingredients with the cups)

"Now, make balls from the dough, flat them a little bit, and fry them."

(She fries the dough balls)

"...And now, to make the holes, just throw them in the air- and shoot them!"

(She takes a gun and shoots the donuts, making them officially donuts)

"And now, if you don't want them glazed, just eat them. I'll just take a donut and...EW! WHY IS IT SALTY?"

Mime: "Please don't tell me you put salt instead of sugar."

Nurse: "We'll need lots of glazing."

Minerva: "I know. That's why I bought the brand new Acme glaze-o-matic 3000! Let's try this one..."

(Tries to shoot glazing at the donuts. The cannon accidentally rotates and fires a huge lump of glazing on Minerva's face, and throws some even at Hello Nurse and Ralph.)

Minerva: "I wonder what went wrong."

Mime: "I wonder what went right. This show's a disaster! Who wants to see a chef who makes cantaloupe salad without cantaloupes and salty donuts without glazing?"

Dot: "Around 60% of the viewers in Burbank and Acme Acres."

Mime: "What?"

Yakko: "This show is a hit!"

Mime: "Uh...Minerva, do you want to sign here for 5000 episodes?"

Minerva: "Sure!"


	4. Chapter 4

**The WB sketch show**

Chapter 4- spam spam spaaaaaaaaaaaam!

A parody of Monty Python's sketch "spam spam spam" with Buster as the waiter, Plucky and Shirley as the costumers; Babs, Fifi, Hampton, Fowlmouth, Roderick Rat and Rubella Rat as the Vikings and Arnold the pitbull...can't tell you, it's a surprise!

Buster: "Welcome to "Acme" restaurant."Acme" restaurant- because it's fun in here, and...(Pause) What would you like to order?"

Plucky: "Can you bring me the menu please?"

Buster: "Sure but what would you like to order?"

Plucky: "I can't order without the menu."

Buster: "But what would you like to order?"

Plucky: "Give me that!" (Takes the menu) "What are those Wakko sized meals?"

Buster: "Large meals- one in 30$ and one in 40$."

Shirley: "What's the difference between those two?"

Buster: "Ten bucks."

Shirley: "Look, I'm really hungry. What's the fastest thing here?"

Buster: "Cheetah. Or a horse!"

Shirley: "What's the difference between those two?"

Buster: "Ten bucks."

Plucky: "Let's see...egg and bacon, egg sausage and bacon, egg and spam, egg bacon and spam, egg bacon sausage and spam, spam bacon sausage and spam, spam egg spam spam bacon and spam, spam spam spam spam egg and spam, spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam and spam, or the Wakko sized breakfast- 2 toasts, 2 eggs of your choice, coffee or hot chocolate, yoghurt and granola, cereals and milk, jelly, butter, honey, chocolate spread, and spam."

Vikings: "Spam, wonderful spam, beautiful spam!"

Fifi: "Le zpam, le beautiful..."

Fowlmouth: "SHUT UP YOU M*RON!"

Shirley: "Don't you have anything without spam?"

Buster: "We have egg and bacon."

Shirley: "I'm keeping kosher."

Plucky: "Ducks are already not kosher!"

Buster: "Sorry to say but as the first one of the Tiny Toons drawn by Steven Spielberg (Who was Jewish), Ducks are kosher."

Plucky and Shirley: "Oh, what loons are we...Oh, what loons are we..."

Buster: "So what do you want to order?"

Plucky: "I'll take the spam spam spam egg and spam."

Buster: "We ran out of eggs."

Plucky: "So can you convert it to spam?"

Vikings: "Spam spam spaaaaaaaaaaaam!"

Buster: "We also ran out of spam."

Plucky: "Then it's not pretty much of a cheese shop, is it?"

Fowlmouth: "F**KING WRONG SKETCH!"

Plucky: "Sorry. So, Shirley, wanna try the new Mcdonald's?"

Shirley: "It's on me."

Buster: "Oh well..."

(Arnold enters, holding a book)

Arnold: "Uh...I will not buy this bubble gum-it is rotten and pony."

Buster: "What? Wait...WHAT?"

Arnold: "I will not buy this bubble gum- it is rotten and pony."

Buster: (taking the phrasebook and reading it) what...what would you...what would you like...here! Deine Mutter dumm und du riechst aus dem Mund, sollte das Zähneputzen haben, bevor Sie zu stinken an die Stelle ya all widerlich!"

(Arnold punches Buster in the face)


End file.
